Attention: Future-Douche Amber Alert 11:17 AM

OK, YBIL-lovers: check out this lil' winner. Yep, the one with the My First D-Bag Training Wheels plastered on his mug.

Gee whiz - those are some mighty fine aviators you've got, kiddo!! Are you headed out on the highway to the danger zone... with a few phonebooks under your bony ass so that you can see over the steering wheel?

Seriously, you should know better than to pick up the awful habits of the late-20's (or early 30's trying to cling to their late 20's) D-bags that probably fathered you one drunken night when they bagged 'that busty chick' by dousing themselves in Axe Body Spray to cover up the stench of loneliness. +2 lame baby points for that smug grimace, too.

We can see that your polo is primed and ready for your collar pop. Don't do it, bucko. And don't pretend like it's only because you think it is 'ironic' or 'absurd'. This is your first and last warning. YBIL has already contacted child protective services, who should be issuing an amber alert to inform the public of this sort of nonsense.

life in the fast lame 4:59 PM

Oh. My. God. Babies, please get out of the damn grocery cart.

So lame. There really is no need for this sort of blatant grandstanding. But while you're at it, why not put on a freaking peony costume and pose for some Anne Geddes shots that will be made into refrigerator magnets? At least giving up your dignity that way could score you a few bucks that you could use to go and buy a new jacket; namely, one that didn't beg for compassion by making you look like Oliver Twist.

Baby Tip #342: Remember, use fashion to project to the world your sophistication and confidence -- it is a reflection of what you think about yourself, and people will respond accordingly.