Thursday, November 8, 2007

this is not what marcus garvey had in mind

Thursday, August 9, 2007

is this supposed to be cute?

YAWN. Big fuckin' whoop. Babies in a nest with a sort of disturbing bunny made of grass. As if you recently hatched out of eggs stamped "LAME." Not to mention the backdrop that looks like some crappy set someone painted for a F-grade high school production of "Into the Woods." Ugh - so tired.

The only thing saving this particular image is the possibility that these lame babies are actually a fresh meal for a fortunate, YBIL-card-carrying megabird that is on its way back to the nest. (Note: YBIL does not condone baby eating... even lame-baby eating. This is only a hypothetical exercise of the mind.) Well, one can dream.

Oh yeah, baby #1 (on the left): Not the best angle for you. Just a little constructive criticism.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

lame babies: StarTracker special

To be fair, avoiding being a lame baby can be a mighty task when you are the spawn of Gwyneth Paltrow and the frontman of one of the lamest bands of all time, Coldplay.

But your efforts up until this point have been meager at best. We know you're probably out to protect your wee eardrums, Apple, but does the word "overkill" mean anything to you?

There is more to being a cool baby than slapping on a pair of hot pink earmuffs that just barely match your Pumas. But no hard feelings. It's for the best that you learn this lesson while you're still in your Twos.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

life in the fast lame

Oh. My. God. Babies, please get out of the damn grocery cart.

So lame. There really is no need for this sort of blatant grandstanding. But while you're at it, why not put on a freaking peony costume and pose for some Anne Geddes shots that will be made into refrigerator magnets? At least giving up your dignity that way could score you a few bucks that you could use to go and buy a new jacket; namely, one that didn't beg for compassion by making you look like Oliver Twist.

Baby Tip #342: Remember, use fashion to project to the world your sophistication and confidence -- it is a reflection of what you think about yourself, and people will respond accordingly.

welcome to YBIL, you babies

Let's get this going, babies. We'll be honest: there's a lot of work to be done. But this is important -- really important -- so no excuses.

The truth is that there are too many lame babies out there. And their numbers are growing, posing a serious health risk (both mental and physical) to everyone that ever comes into contact with them.

"Oh, she's a-dor-able!" "Cuchi-coo!" or "He's going to grow up to be quite the little soccer player!" Ugh. Enough of the lies. Some babies are undeniably lame - and it shouldn't be on the rest of us to perpetuate the hurtful and confusing ruse by pretending that they are, in fact, cool babies. It does no one any good, including the lame babies themselves.

Instead, we here at Your Baby Is Lame have set out on a mission to out these lame babies - and then to provide a forum in which their lameness can be discussed. Stupid baby clothes? Annoying attention-grabbing antics? Smug looks of plush, kingly comfort? These are the kinds of irritants that can be properly dealt with on these pages.

It is about time people stopped putting up with all the damned lame babies around and instead start demanding that these deleterious little ones take action to right themselves. Future generations deserve better. But, remember,
this is not mean-spirited. (Granted, that is not to say it cannot be fun. It will be fun. Revolutions are always fun - just ask around.)

So, on to the babies. And, please, join us in this movement - we welcome your input, feedback and lame baby sightings from every inch of the globe. One child at a time, we will heal this lame-stricken earth.