Thursday, May 21, 2009

Who's Lazier? Who's Lamer?

This parent is obviously suffering from one of the following afflictions:

1) rampant jealousy over her baby's inherent - yet still inexcusable - lack of mobility, or
2) indefensible laziness, bested only by her own spawn's indolence.

Either way, this is lame - and both parties have thus been branded by our YBIL shame-sign. Let's accept this for what it is: a creeping trend of sloth that we should together try to stop... while we still can, people.

Attention: Future-Douche Amber Alert

OK, YBIL-lovers: check out this lil' winner. Yep, the one with the My First D-Bag Training Wheels plastered on his mug.

Gee whiz - those are some mighty fine aviators you've got, kiddo!! Are you headed out on the highway to the danger zone... with a few phonebooks under your bony ass so that you can see over the steering wheel?

Seriously, you should know better than to pick up the awful habits of the late-20's (or early 30's trying to cling to their late 20's) D-bags that probably fathered you one drunken night when they bagged 'that busty chick' by dousing themselves in Axe Body Spray to cover up the stench of loneliness. +2 lame baby points for that smug grimace, too.

We can see that your polo is primed and ready for your collar pop. Don't do it, bucko. And don't pretend like it's only because you think it is 'ironic' or 'absurd'. This is your first and last warning. YBIL has already contacted child protective services, who should be issuing an amber alert to inform the public of this sort of nonsense.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Must be nice.

Like we said, lame babies can often be found chillaxin at the beach, just generally douching it up in floppy hats, nose zinc, and wraparound shades, etc. Going around harshing people's mellow and whatnot.

But there is a fine line between that and just insensitive and the line was back there, baby. Why is it, that when the rest of us are working eight jobs just to pay the bills, have lost our homes, and are clawing our way out of credit card debt, and/or are battling cancer with no insurance - all at the same time - we have to look at pictures of your lame mug freeloading off our toil- and looking damn pleased with yourself about it?(Seriously. You are the K.Fed of babies. Are you launching a career in lame rapping, too? Is that your scheme? Because it's been done. And it's old.)

There should be a law against this, or at least an intense cultural stigma. Baby, it's time you did some serious soul-searching about how not to pollute our world with hurtful and painful crap such as this. Baby Tip #112: Together as a society, we can shun and marginalize this behavior.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

You're Creepin' Me Out Now That You're Pregnant

Pregnant Women are Smug from Erika Lindhome on Vimeo.

This is an important reminder: while we here at YBIL like to go directly to the perpetrators - namely, the lame babies themselves - we always must keep in mind that it is not entirely their fault.

It's mostly their fault, but not entirely.

As our friends here give voice to, it all starts in the womb. With such mind-melting smugness emanating from these preggers' bellies, we might be surprised to think that any baby is birthed without a shit-eating grin on its face and a hipster's faculty of self-denial on its lips.

Sing it loud, Erika

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Don't Harsh My Wave, Brah!

Oh, we know: life's tough for babies. All that sleeping, eating and general freeloading can really take its toll.All in all, things can get mighty stressful for an infant.

So when life gets too overwhelming, one tends to find babies hittin' up the beach. Of course, we at YBIL think this is a great idea - but you best make sure you are doing things right, and not simply ruining the (warranted) respite of all the other sun-soakers laying in the sand!

Take for instance this perp: an ill-prepared baby trying to go all aggro on these crusty waves. Too bad these waves and this baby in general are a massive Ankle Snapper. Fine... you do your thing Lame Baby - but don't expect us to put down our Danielle Steele page-turner to rescue you after a mean wipeout. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Megalomaniacs R Us, Part 1

Lies. Lies. Lies.

Cute is one thing--pretty much anything without open weeping sores can be classified as cute. But uncommonly cute? You? Dunno about that. You look pretty much like every single other lame baby we have laid eyes on--nondescript, toothless, and wearing a shirt with a CONCEITED-ass slogan. In fact, there is no way we at YBIL could tell the difference from Your Royal Lameness above and the below lame baby, who, well--see for yourself:
Miso cute? This is not only lame, but RACIST. Dear racist baby: MISO DISGUSTED by your cultural insensitivity.

We have just consulted our Japanese-speaking associate, who verified that the symbol on your shirt is actually the Japanese character for...LAME. Suck on that.