To be fair, avoiding being a lame baby can be a mighty task when you are the spawn of Gwyneth Paltrow and the frontman of one of the lamest bands of all time, Coldplay.
But your efforts up until this point have been meager at best. We know you're probably out to protect your wee eardrums, Apple, but does the word "overkill" mean anything to you?
There is more to being a cool baby than slapping on a pair of hot pink earmuffs that just barely match your Pumas. But no hard feelings. It's for the best that you learn this lesson while you're still in your Twos.