The Gospel of LAME. 11:37 AM

Baby Preacher - watch more funny videos

So the kid's speaking in tongues. Great. La de frickin da. How do you say "ATTENTION WHORE" in ancient Aramaic? The sermon is mediocre at best on style points, but seriously lacks substance. You're no Ted Haggard, baby, and that is a damned lame combination. Eternally damned, potentially. I give this baby 6, 8 months max before a meth scandal blows up in his face. Place your bets now at lamebabywatch@yourbabyislame.com

We here at YBIL are all for promoting religious tolerance, but what we will NOT tolerate is using the pulpit to proselytize the gospel of LAME, non inspiring, non life enriching or affirming, strictly attention whoring shenanigans such as this one. But it is important to remember, babywatchers, that this is not about judging. It is about redemption. This child needs guidance. Patience, babywatchers. God and Godette work in mysterious ways.

Twice as lame in cellophane 11:05 PM

Unlike homemade cookies or aromatherapy candles, lameness is not something that needs to be kept fresh in cellophane. Also babies, I hope you remembered to poke airhols. This is deeply unsafe, and babies, safety is always "in". Dangerous predicaments are always lame, especially when they are self imposed. Why? Because my tax dollars are paying for the fire brigade that will inevitably have to come to save your ass. And the ER visit. Not to mention the lame publicity blitz that follows. So next time you decide to enclose yourself in cellophane just do it on your own time. We suffer from occasional lame induced seizures. Baby Tip #79: Help asphyxiate lameness by being considerate for once.

we are doomed 6:51 PM

"In a future time
Children will work together"

says this cryptic captioneer. What is unspoken but starkly obvious is that these youngsters will be working towards a common goal all right: a common goal of breaking some obscure Guiness world record for number of lameOs crammed into one vacant lot, as evidenced by this convoy of stupid hats and brainless waving at no one particular (baby on the left in the red stroller, I'm looking at you).

Where is this Independence Day parade taking place, the parking lot of a Giant Eagle? Although, in a way, it may be preferable to centralize and isolate these babies in such a manner, so as to more efficiently quarantine and treat the situation.

Baby Tip #59: If you come across a lame baby, please attempt to usher them into a dark corner or onto a remote lot, out of sight, and then contact us immediately.

Lord of the Lame 10:14 PM

Baby, I've seen spicier moves at Mormon wedding receptions. But lame moves nonwithstanding (we can't all move like YBIL officials, after all) it should also be noted that your bastardization of Irish culture is quite offensive to us, on a personal level. In fact your flagrant bastardization of the traditional Irish way is enough to make Michael Flatley blush. You're supposed to keep your arms stiffly AT YOUR SIDES. FYI,


Without that feature you are just flailing around like an imperialistic, borderline sociopathic jerkface.

You know, all of our staff here at YBIL, combined, make almost one whole person of Irish descent, and that cumulative person is feeling fairly culturally marginalized by your brushing off of tradition.

Here's a gift certificate to Bennigan's, lameO. Use it to buy a Blarney Blast, and as you funnel it into your sippy cup, think long and hard about how you have made others feel, and what you have potentially done to civilization.

this is not what marcus garvey had in mind 8:01 PM

is this supposed to be cute? 4:08 PM

YAWN. Big fuckin' whoop. Babies in a nest with a sort of disturbing bunny made of grass. As if you recently hatched out of eggs stamped "LAME." Not to mention the backdrop that looks like some crappy set someone painted for a F-grade high school production of "Into the Woods." Ugh - so tired.



The only thing saving this particular image is the possibility that these lame babies are actually a fresh meal for a fortunate, YBIL-card-carrying megabird that is on its way back to the nest. (Note: YBIL does not condone baby eating... even lame-baby eating. This is only a hypothetical exercise of the mind.) Well, one can dream.

Oh yeah, baby #1 (on the left): Not the best angle for you. Just a little constructive criticism.

lame babies: StarTracker special 3:50 PM

To be fair, avoiding being a lame baby can be a mighty task when you are the spawn of Gwyneth Paltrow and the frontman of one of the lamest bands of all time, Coldplay.

But your efforts up until this point have been meager at best. We know you're probably out to protect your wee eardrums, Apple, but does the word "overkill" mean anything to you?

There is more to being a cool baby than slapping on a pair of hot pink earmuffs that just barely match your Pumas. But no hard feelings. It's for the best that you learn this lesson while you're still in your Twos.